With the big --5--0-- looming large six months from now, I suppose I barely qualify to respond. Nonetheless, there's no denying that -- surely -- those 50+ know more about themselves than those who are younger but I don't think that is why it becomes harder to meet someone compatible as we age. As we get older, we are more inclined to trust our instincts; more inclined to insist on our preferences; more SURE that we do, in fact, like what we say we like. We're less inclined to compromise; more insistent that a potential mate meet us where we are; on OUR turf. Of course, "they're" feeling the same way and the impasse evolves from there.
==========
In my own case, I was really done. Done chasing; pursuing; longing; aching; whatever. I got to a place (finally and reluctantly and with MUCH pain and difficulty) where I committed to living the rest of my life alone with no real expectation of new love. A part of me must have accepted a friend's conclusion wrought on my life: that in the course of four marriages and four divorces and too many serious -- but ultimately soured -- relationships, I had been the source of so much pain that perhaps the only option left for me (that would honor God in his view) would be to live the rest of my life alone. So I was prepared -- and beginning -- to build a new life perfectly suited to me alone with no disparaging "input" from any would-be lovers. I thought I would build a life which suited me (and me alone) and if someone wanted to "give it a go" -- they could move themselves and their stuff into MY life. And then IF (well -- so far -- it has been WHEN) things go awry (as they are seemingly wont to do), they could move themselves and their stuff OUT of MY life. This would -- by the way -- be an absolute revolutionary FIRST for me . . . if (or when) . . . it ever happens. That was a year ago. Three months ago, I got married -- again -- after a 9-month courtship to a 42-year-old whom I've described in one word to my friends as "kind." I would've been fine "just" living together but she struggled mightily with this "sex outside of marriage" thing and -- problem solver that I try so hard NOT to be -- marriage seemed like the only solution to "our" problem. We also care for her 15-year-old daughter and 7-year-old son from her previous relationships (my kids are both grown and out on their own). Essentially, I've poured all my energy and resources into her life and her dreams and "our" kids and I'm beginning to resent that my projects and my plans are all on the back burner -- with no real reason to believe I'll have the time or the money to progress with any of them in the "knowable" future. There's something known as "the sailor's curse." The sailor loves sailing more than anything else -- but after a few days alone at sea -- he can't wait to set foot on dry land again. Ultimately, he arrives at his destination -- happy to be a landlubber for day one and then day two. But, by day three, he's itching to feel the wind in his face and the tension of the rope in his hands again. I fear I have the same curse when it comes to relationships. If I'm honest, I'm miserable alone -- functional; able to work -- but not at all content with my circumstance. And if I'm honest, I'm most often miserable in relationship -- married or otherwise -- as well. I only know one thing for sure. If I'm ever alone again, I won't compromise next time. My dreams and my desires will remain on the front burner and too bad and so sad if that doesn't work for someone else. Of course, that's what I said the last time too.Living without pressure -- without putting it on myself or others -- without allowing others to put it on me. Living without strings, or selling, or charming, or kidding into compliance, or manipulating through niceness or threatened anger. Standing in the face of silence, and threats, and expectations, and misunderstandings -- standing and gently saying, "No thank you, I'll be myself."
Monday, July 11, 2005
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Irrational Mystics?
==========
TOM: "History teaches that the great civilizations crumble from within. America, the shining STAR of all human endeavors, is in mortal danger because irrational mystics took over the universities,molding the minds of [almost] every young adult searching foranswers. I was there, after my military time, in the late-60's:every class was statist rubbish and training grounds for violent,NON-democratic revolt."
==========
I was a Real Estate major to begin with and ended up majoring in Economics (maybe the social science of the business world if even that stretch would be allowed). My last semester I had an academic scholarship which paid my tuition and books. This was the BUSINESS dept. -- no place for irrational mystics at a conservative university (BSU) in an even more conservative state (Idaho). Even if I accept your premise that is was their goal to mold impressionable young minds -- like you, I went to college AFTER my time in the military -- so the military had ample opportunity to shove my skull into THEIR mold first. IF the university mold is the one that prevailed, I can be no less than grateful for that. The university taught me to expand my horizons and that increasing my intellectual capacity comes with increased social responsibility -- the university never once asked me to risk death for THEIR cause.
==========
TOM: "I understand what happened to people like you & "sail", and I sympathize."
==========
So what happened? Share your understanding. Enlighten us oh wise and wonderful war hawk! Were we DUPED in the process of pursuing higher education? Seeking answers and enlightenment; embracing learning and knowledge as a never-ending lifestyle . . . we ended up DUMBER? Does that really make sense to you?
==========
TOM: "But your anti-ideology is wrong, wrong, wrong. You support apres. candidate that has no values...because you have none yourself."
==========
I support NO president OR presidential candidate. They've ALL already sold their souls to the highest bidder and the auction for this particular contest is ongoing. The one able to raise the most money will win. They don't represent us anymore -- they represent the interests of extremely wealthy and powerful business interests -- and if you can't see that, it is YOU that I feel sorry for. They no longer compete for our votes; they compete for dollars -- it's the truest and most consistent way to measure who will win ANY U.S. political contest. And how dare you pass judgment on my values? You are ill-informed and pompous -- shall I adopt YOUR values?
==========
TOM: "You claim to love everyone, and have no concept of whatlove is, certainly have none."
==========
So tell me more about YOUR love. This kind of "love" so genuine and protecting which encourages his children and grandchildren to march themselves into the gears of a military machine which seeks nothing more than to rip them limb from limb? A kind of love which expects them to become landing grates for a military-industrial complex that has grown so powerful and so wealthy that it now can purchase political power and influence and advance IT'S OWN agenda purely for profit? What kind of love is that?
==========
My love seeks to SAVE my children -- and their children -- and their children from this murderous horror that far too many of us have accepted as the price we must pay for freedom. What freedom in a nation with the highest per-capita incarceration rate in the world? What freedom in a nation where white males stand a 1 in 11 chance of being incarcerated in prison for some portion of their lives? What freedom in a nation where 1 in 4 black males will end up in prison for some portion of THEIR lives? Land of the free? Gimme' a break! My love was encouraged -- briefly -- by the promise of America becoming a "kinder, gentler nation." What encourages your love? Missiles and Bombs and BIG Guns?
==========
TOM: "You don't believe in patriotism, and honoring our young people who have volunteered to defend you...because you have no idea of what the value of America is."
==========
The type of nationalism (aka "patriotism") you extol is dangerous. It's volatile and it gets people killed. Moreover, it has NOTHING to do with democracy, the will of the people, or freedom. It has EVERYTHING to do with fascism. The other key ingredient of fascism is absolute intolerance of those with differing opinions. Sound familiar? (Like Bush having protesters removed to a "designated protest area" far removed from his ears and his eyes?)
==========
TOM: "It is SO sad, that the most articulate...are [usually] the mostdeluded....and THAT is the "death-knell" I really fear, for the sakeof my children & grandchildren."
==========
"The most articulate are the most deluded." The smartest are the dumbest. The fastest are the slowest. The richest are the poorest. Do ANY of these statements ring true for you?
==========
The "death-knell" is that our federal government has been taken over by a group (some call it a cult) of 8 or 9 men with an ideologue, a clear ideology and their agenda doesn't give a flip about your personal freedom OR mine. It's about securing our temporary position as the supreme military might of the world and projecting that position as far as possible into the future absolutely REGARDLESS of the cost in dollars or human lives.
==========
Read it and weep -- all 90 pages of it -- at: http://www.newamericancentury.org/RebuildingAmericasDefenses.pdf
==========
If the above addy is displayed on more than one line, type it in or copy and paste -- the link won't work if the addy is displayed on more than one line.
==========
sail4free
==========
TOM: "History teaches that the great civilizations crumble from within. America, the shining STAR of all human endeavors, is in mortal danger because irrational mystics took over the universities,molding the minds of [almost] every young adult searching foranswers. I was there, after my military time, in the late-60's:every class was statist rubbish and training grounds for violent,NON-democratic revolt."
==========
I was a Real Estate major to begin with and ended up majoring in Economics (maybe the social science of the business world if even that stretch would be allowed). My last semester I had an academic scholarship which paid my tuition and books. This was the BUSINESS dept. -- no place for irrational mystics at a conservative university (BSU) in an even more conservative state (Idaho). Even if I accept your premise that is was their goal to mold impressionable young minds -- like you, I went to college AFTER my time in the military -- so the military had ample opportunity to shove my skull into THEIR mold first. IF the university mold is the one that prevailed, I can be no less than grateful for that. The university taught me to expand my horizons and that increasing my intellectual capacity comes with increased social responsibility -- the university never once asked me to risk death for THEIR cause.
==========
TOM: "I understand what happened to people like you & "sail", and I sympathize."
==========
So what happened? Share your understanding. Enlighten us oh wise and wonderful war hawk! Were we DUPED in the process of pursuing higher education? Seeking answers and enlightenment; embracing learning and knowledge as a never-ending lifestyle . . . we ended up DUMBER? Does that really make sense to you?
==========
TOM: "But your anti-ideology is wrong, wrong, wrong. You support apres. candidate that has no values...because you have none yourself."
==========
I support NO president OR presidential candidate. They've ALL already sold their souls to the highest bidder and the auction for this particular contest is ongoing. The one able to raise the most money will win. They don't represent us anymore -- they represent the interests of extremely wealthy and powerful business interests -- and if you can't see that, it is YOU that I feel sorry for. They no longer compete for our votes; they compete for dollars -- it's the truest and most consistent way to measure who will win ANY U.S. political contest. And how dare you pass judgment on my values? You are ill-informed and pompous -- shall I adopt YOUR values?
==========
TOM: "You claim to love everyone, and have no concept of whatlove is, certainly have none."
==========
So tell me more about YOUR love. This kind of "love" so genuine and protecting which encourages his children and grandchildren to march themselves into the gears of a military machine which seeks nothing more than to rip them limb from limb? A kind of love which expects them to become landing grates for a military-industrial complex that has grown so powerful and so wealthy that it now can purchase political power and influence and advance IT'S OWN agenda purely for profit? What kind of love is that?
==========
My love seeks to SAVE my children -- and their children -- and their children from this murderous horror that far too many of us have accepted as the price we must pay for freedom. What freedom in a nation with the highest per-capita incarceration rate in the world? What freedom in a nation where white males stand a 1 in 11 chance of being incarcerated in prison for some portion of their lives? What freedom in a nation where 1 in 4 black males will end up in prison for some portion of THEIR lives? Land of the free? Gimme' a break! My love was encouraged -- briefly -- by the promise of America becoming a "kinder, gentler nation." What encourages your love? Missiles and Bombs and BIG Guns?
==========
TOM: "You don't believe in patriotism, and honoring our young people who have volunteered to defend you...because you have no idea of what the value of America is."
==========
The type of nationalism (aka "patriotism") you extol is dangerous. It's volatile and it gets people killed. Moreover, it has NOTHING to do with democracy, the will of the people, or freedom. It has EVERYTHING to do with fascism. The other key ingredient of fascism is absolute intolerance of those with differing opinions. Sound familiar? (Like Bush having protesters removed to a "designated protest area" far removed from his ears and his eyes?)
==========
TOM: "It is SO sad, that the most articulate...are [usually] the mostdeluded....and THAT is the "death-knell" I really fear, for the sakeof my children & grandchildren."
==========
"The most articulate are the most deluded." The smartest are the dumbest. The fastest are the slowest. The richest are the poorest. Do ANY of these statements ring true for you?
==========
The "death-knell" is that our federal government has been taken over by a group (some call it a cult) of 8 or 9 men with an ideologue, a clear ideology and their agenda doesn't give a flip about your personal freedom OR mine. It's about securing our temporary position as the supreme military might of the world and projecting that position as far as possible into the future absolutely REGARDLESS of the cost in dollars or human lives.
==========
Read it and weep -- all 90 pages of it -- at: http://www.newamericancentury.org/RebuildingAmericasDefenses.pdf
==========
If the above addy is displayed on more than one line, type it in or copy and paste -- the link won't work if the addy is displayed on more than one line.
==========
sail4free
==========
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Those Who Yearn to Be Free
==========
My response to Onyxman's post at Capitol Hill Blue -- Military & Veteran's Issues: Baby Killers of Iraq War (a thread prompted by news coverage of a parade where a soldier sporting a "Support Bush" sign was reportedly greeted with "Booo" and "Baby Killer!")
==========
ONYXMAN: "There is certainly a mythology about servicemen returning from Vietnam being spit on and called babykiller."=
=========
I've never personally been called "baby killer" but I was spat on by a high school girl riding a school bus while I walked alongside a road in my Air Force uniform in El Paso, TX in '72. These incidents probably have been exaggerated beyond their proper proportion but they did happen.
==========
ONYXMAN: "I'm not saying such things never happened, but I never heard about such things until long after 1974, and of all the friends I have who served in Vietnam none ever experienced this.
==========
All these years later, it's difficult to remember how extremely unpopular the Vietnam War was by the time it finally ended in '75. The first movies about that war ("Full Metal Jacket" and "Platoon") didn't DARE be released prior to '85/'86 as there would have been no market for them. (Compare that to how quickly we saw movies about Desert Storm -- some of them where even of the "comedy" genre.) The reason you didn't hear anything about it until "long after 1974" is because NOBODY wanted to hear about "it". Many Nam Combat Vets with the most to tell STILL don't talk about "it" -- but their soaring rates of homelessness, failed marriages, addiction, depression and suicide tell a story that most folks STILL don't want to hear -- and they sure as hell don't want to PAY for it!
==========
We have no stomach for the REAL cost of war in this country (all our "enemies" know this) and we've never had the stomach for it. We have had -- and may have again -- forced conscription (the draft) because they can't get enough warm young bodies to feed the meat grinder (military-industrial complex) any other way. Of course, NOW we have a new prison-industrial complex to more effectively deal with those who won't offer themselves as a living sacrifice to the war machine.
==========
We worship the few "heroes" that make it home in one piece but even they know the REAL heroes are rotting in the ground (hopefully) somewhere. And our ever-generous and empathic government grants a 30% disability check to those who have lost "only" one arm or "only" one leg.
==========
So is someone's anti-war comments at a parade "right" or "wrong"? I dunno...the political "right" has so distorted the meaning of that word, I'm reluctant to use it for anything anymore. Others who are far better informed than me from around the world are shaking their heads in dismay at America -- this "deeply troubled nation" I read about in one article. Once we were known as "land of the free" and "home of the brave". With the highest per-capita incarceration rate in the world in a time where comments against the administration are considered un-American or un-patriotic, it's sad those phrases have become so laughable. I'm living in a country which is rapidly losing forever its credibility as a beacon of hope for those who yearn to be free -- here AND abroad.
==========
sail4free
==========
My response to Onyxman's post at Capitol Hill Blue -- Military & Veteran's Issues: Baby Killers of Iraq War (a thread prompted by news coverage of a parade where a soldier sporting a "Support Bush" sign was reportedly greeted with "Booo" and "Baby Killer!")
==========
ONYXMAN: "There is certainly a mythology about servicemen returning from Vietnam being spit on and called babykiller."=
=========
I've never personally been called "baby killer" but I was spat on by a high school girl riding a school bus while I walked alongside a road in my Air Force uniform in El Paso, TX in '72. These incidents probably have been exaggerated beyond their proper proportion but they did happen.
==========
ONYXMAN: "I'm not saying such things never happened, but I never heard about such things until long after 1974, and of all the friends I have who served in Vietnam none ever experienced this.
==========
All these years later, it's difficult to remember how extremely unpopular the Vietnam War was by the time it finally ended in '75. The first movies about that war ("Full Metal Jacket" and "Platoon") didn't DARE be released prior to '85/'86 as there would have been no market for them. (Compare that to how quickly we saw movies about Desert Storm -- some of them where even of the "comedy" genre.) The reason you didn't hear anything about it until "long after 1974" is because NOBODY wanted to hear about "it". Many Nam Combat Vets with the most to tell STILL don't talk about "it" -- but their soaring rates of homelessness, failed marriages, addiction, depression and suicide tell a story that most folks STILL don't want to hear -- and they sure as hell don't want to PAY for it!
==========
We have no stomach for the REAL cost of war in this country (all our "enemies" know this) and we've never had the stomach for it. We have had -- and may have again -- forced conscription (the draft) because they can't get enough warm young bodies to feed the meat grinder (military-industrial complex) any other way. Of course, NOW we have a new prison-industrial complex to more effectively deal with those who won't offer themselves as a living sacrifice to the war machine.
==========
We worship the few "heroes" that make it home in one piece but even they know the REAL heroes are rotting in the ground (hopefully) somewhere. And our ever-generous and empathic government grants a 30% disability check to those who have lost "only" one arm or "only" one leg.
==========
So is someone's anti-war comments at a parade "right" or "wrong"? I dunno...the political "right" has so distorted the meaning of that word, I'm reluctant to use it for anything anymore. Others who are far better informed than me from around the world are shaking their heads in dismay at America -- this "deeply troubled nation" I read about in one article. Once we were known as "land of the free" and "home of the brave". With the highest per-capita incarceration rate in the world in a time where comments against the administration are considered un-American or un-patriotic, it's sad those phrases have become so laughable. I'm living in a country which is rapidly losing forever its credibility as a beacon of hope for those who yearn to be free -- here AND abroad.
==========
sail4free
==========
Bush & Torture, Inc.
==========
Thanks for that list of links. Having read a few, these are excerpts which leaped off the page for me. Looking forward to a time when Bush & Co. will be tried for THEIR war crimes, perhaps we can use some of these techniques they condone to get the truth from them? Anyone with any experience in the "reality of war" will tell you that information a captured soldier might know that has ANY intelligence value must be "sought out" in the first 24 to 48 hours. After that, whatever he knows is old news and of no value. This reality is made even more obvious by the de-centralized structure of our latest "enemy." Group leaders typically might know one other group leader and who the two of them take orders from and that is IT. Members of the small groups know even less. None of them have any knowledge of the bigger picture or long-range tactics and they are purposely DENIED that information -- for their own "protection" and to protect the mission. You can torture a man to death but he can't tell you what he doesn't know. Therefore, to torture and interrogate a captive beyond those first 48 hours is a senseless and cruel act -- debasing the tortured AND the torturer. I hold every soldier PERSONALLY responsible for everything he/she does. They have a moral obligation to resist and stand against what they know in their heart of hearts to be wrong. Better to risk a few years in the brig with integrity and morality intact than spend the rest of your own tortured life suffering the consequences of "just following orders."
==========
Do we not believe that every single human who has suffered at our hand will not exact his own personal and terrifying revenge? Will they not be motivated all the more to reek their bloody revenge against this nation which has condoned these heinous acts? (I know those would be my thoughts, "Do whatever it takes to stay alive and make these fuckers pay nine times over for what they have done to me and my friends and family.") We are planting the seeds of our own destruction. What happened to "land of the free" and "home of the brave?" There are no words to describe the depth of loathing and contempt I feel for those who support this administration and their criminal acts. The only difference between our nation's treasonous and illegal acts and those of the playground bully is SCOPE -- the intellectual depravity and the insecurity which motivates such behavior are one and the same. Woody speaks the truth when he says, "This government was founded by, of, and for the people but everybody feels it like a giant open sore -- they don't represent us anymore."
==========
sail4free -- survivor of advanced POW training at Fairchild AFB in Spokane, WA in 1972/Vietnamese Linguist for USAFSS from '71 to '75.
==========
The Bush administration has shamed us all, reducing us to the level of those governments that also have wonderful laws forbidding torture, but condone it anyway.
==========
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A29858-2004Jun9.html
==========
Legal and constitutional experts have expressed astonishment at the judgments made by administration lawyers on interrogation techniques. In one memo, written in January 2002, Mr. Gonzalez told President Bush that the nature of the war on terror "renders obsolete Geneva's strict limitations on questioning of enemy prisoners and renders quaint some of its provisions".
==========
A separate memo, written by Pentagon lawyers in March 2003, stated that "the infliction of pain or suffering per se, whether it is physical or mental is insufficient to amount to torture. [The pain] must be of such a high level of intensity that it is difficult for the subject to endure".
==========
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtmlxml=/news/2004/06/13/wguan13.xml&sSheet=/news/2004/06/13/ixworld.html
==========
"I accept the legal conclusion of the attorney general and the Department of Justice that I have the authority under the Constitution to suspend Geneva as between the United States and Afghanistan, but I decline to exercise that authority at this time," the president said in the memo, entitled "Humane Treatment of al-Qaida and Taliban Detainees."
==========
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20040622/D83CC3P80.html
==========
sail4free
==========
Thanks for that list of links. Having read a few, these are excerpts which leaped off the page for me. Looking forward to a time when Bush & Co. will be tried for THEIR war crimes, perhaps we can use some of these techniques they condone to get the truth from them? Anyone with any experience in the "reality of war" will tell you that information a captured soldier might know that has ANY intelligence value must be "sought out" in the first 24 to 48 hours. After that, whatever he knows is old news and of no value. This reality is made even more obvious by the de-centralized structure of our latest "enemy." Group leaders typically might know one other group leader and who the two of them take orders from and that is IT. Members of the small groups know even less. None of them have any knowledge of the bigger picture or long-range tactics and they are purposely DENIED that information -- for their own "protection" and to protect the mission. You can torture a man to death but he can't tell you what he doesn't know. Therefore, to torture and interrogate a captive beyond those first 48 hours is a senseless and cruel act -- debasing the tortured AND the torturer. I hold every soldier PERSONALLY responsible for everything he/she does. They have a moral obligation to resist and stand against what they know in their heart of hearts to be wrong. Better to risk a few years in the brig with integrity and morality intact than spend the rest of your own tortured life suffering the consequences of "just following orders."
==========
Do we not believe that every single human who has suffered at our hand will not exact his own personal and terrifying revenge? Will they not be motivated all the more to reek their bloody revenge against this nation which has condoned these heinous acts? (I know those would be my thoughts, "Do whatever it takes to stay alive and make these fuckers pay nine times over for what they have done to me and my friends and family.") We are planting the seeds of our own destruction. What happened to "land of the free" and "home of the brave?" There are no words to describe the depth of loathing and contempt I feel for those who support this administration and their criminal acts. The only difference between our nation's treasonous and illegal acts and those of the playground bully is SCOPE -- the intellectual depravity and the insecurity which motivates such behavior are one and the same. Woody speaks the truth when he says, "This government was founded by, of, and for the people but everybody feels it like a giant open sore -- they don't represent us anymore."
==========
sail4free -- survivor of advanced POW training at Fairchild AFB in Spokane, WA in 1972/Vietnamese Linguist for USAFSS from '71 to '75.
==========
The Bush administration has shamed us all, reducing us to the level of those governments that also have wonderful laws forbidding torture, but condone it anyway.
==========
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A29858-2004Jun9.html
==========
Legal and constitutional experts have expressed astonishment at the judgments made by administration lawyers on interrogation techniques. In one memo, written in January 2002, Mr. Gonzalez told President Bush that the nature of the war on terror "renders obsolete Geneva's strict limitations on questioning of enemy prisoners and renders quaint some of its provisions".
==========
A separate memo, written by Pentagon lawyers in March 2003, stated that "the infliction of pain or suffering per se, whether it is physical or mental is insufficient to amount to torture. [The pain] must be of such a high level of intensity that it is difficult for the subject to endure".
==========
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtmlxml=/news/2004/06/13/wguan13.xml&sSheet=/news/2004/06/13/ixworld.html
==========
"I accept the legal conclusion of the attorney general and the Department of Justice that I have the authority under the Constitution to suspend Geneva as between the United States and Afghanistan, but I decline to exercise that authority at this time," the president said in the memo, entitled "Humane Treatment of al-Qaida and Taliban Detainees."
==========
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20040622/D83CC3P80.html
==========
sail4free
==========
Friday, July 16, 2004
Thoughts From Within
==========
Thanks a BUNCH for that link -- here are the words for anyone not able to view it:
==========
THOUGHTS FROM WITHIN
==========
I sometimes feel like an alien creature for which there is no earthly explanation
Sure I have human form -- walking erect and opposing digits,
but my mind is upside down.
I feel like a run-on sentence in a punctuation crazy world.
and I see the world around me like a mad collective dream.
==========
An endless stream of people move like ants from the freeway
cell phones, pc's, and digital displays
"In Money We Trust,"we'll find happiness
the prevailing attitude;
like a genetically modified irradiated Big Mac is somehow symbolic of food.
==========
Morality is legislated
prisons over-populated
religion is incorporated
the profit-motive has permeated all activity
we pay our government to let us park on the street
And war is the biggest money-maker of all
we all know missile envy only comes from being small.
==========
Politicians and prostitutes are comfortable together
I wonder if they talk about the strange change in the weather.
This government was founded by, of, and for the people
but everybody feels it like a giant open sore
they don't represent us anymore
And blaming the President for the country's woes
is like yelling at a puppet for the way it sings
Who's the man behind the curtain pulling the strings?
==========
A billion people sitting watching their TV
in the room that they call living
but as for me
I see living as loving
and since there is no loving room
I sit on the grass under a tree
dreaming of the way things used to be
Pre-Industrial Revolution
which of course is before the rivers and oceans, and skies were polluted
==========
before Parkinson's, and mad cows
and all the convoluted cacophony of bad ideas
like skyscrapers, and tree paper, and earth rapers
like Monsanto and Dupont had their way
as they continue to today.
==========
This was Pre-us
back when the buffalo roamed
and the Indian's home
was the forest, and God was nature
and heaven was here and now
Can you imagine clean water, food, and air
living in community with animals and people who care?
==========
Do you dare to feel responsible for every dollar you lay down
are you going to make the rich man richer
or are you going to stand your ground
You say you want a revolution
a communal evolution
to be a part of the solution
maybe I'll be seeing you around.
==========
Hear Woody speak out at:
http://www.voiceyourself.com/03_thoughtsfromwithin/03_poem.php
==========
Thanks a BUNCH for that link -- here are the words for anyone not able to view it:
==========
THOUGHTS FROM WITHIN
==========
I sometimes feel like an alien creature for which there is no earthly explanation
Sure I have human form -- walking erect and opposing digits,
but my mind is upside down.
I feel like a run-on sentence in a punctuation crazy world.
and I see the world around me like a mad collective dream.
==========
An endless stream of people move like ants from the freeway
cell phones, pc's, and digital displays
"In Money We Trust,"we'll find happiness
the prevailing attitude;
like a genetically modified irradiated Big Mac is somehow symbolic of food.
==========
Morality is legislated
prisons over-populated
religion is incorporated
the profit-motive has permeated all activity
we pay our government to let us park on the street
And war is the biggest money-maker of all
we all know missile envy only comes from being small.
==========
Politicians and prostitutes are comfortable together
I wonder if they talk about the strange change in the weather.
This government was founded by, of, and for the people
but everybody feels it like a giant open sore
they don't represent us anymore
And blaming the President for the country's woes
is like yelling at a puppet for the way it sings
Who's the man behind the curtain pulling the strings?
==========
A billion people sitting watching their TV
in the room that they call living
but as for me
I see living as loving
and since there is no loving room
I sit on the grass under a tree
dreaming of the way things used to be
Pre-Industrial Revolution
which of course is before the rivers and oceans, and skies were polluted
==========
before Parkinson's, and mad cows
and all the convoluted cacophony of bad ideas
like skyscrapers, and tree paper, and earth rapers
like Monsanto and Dupont had their way
as they continue to today.
==========
This was Pre-us
back when the buffalo roamed
and the Indian's home
was the forest, and God was nature
and heaven was here and now
Can you imagine clean water, food, and air
living in community with animals and people who care?
==========
Do you dare to feel responsible for every dollar you lay down
are you going to make the rich man richer
or are you going to stand your ground
You say you want a revolution
a communal evolution
to be a part of the solution
maybe I'll be seeing you around.
==========
Hear Woody speak out at:
http://www.voiceyourself.com/03_thoughtsfromwithin/03_poem.php
==========
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Dyed in the Wool Mal-Content?
==========
SHIRLEY: "Dear sail 4..................I have read two of your posts, one describing the stupidity of those who feel fighting for their country is an honorable thing. To say that I totally disagreed with you on that one would be a classic understatement. Now this last one which
starts out singing the rights of the hermit ends with your negative opinion of law enforcement.
I better understand your first post now. Though it is not to say you may not have good reason, you are a dyed in the wool mal-content. I am sincerely sorry for you. You must be extremely lonely. Even receiving a message of disagreement beats the heck out of being
ignored completely."
==========
If applying a label allows you to "pigeon-hole" me, then go ahead -- but I assure you I won't be staying in that crappy little box for long. I'd rather be "a dyed in the wool mal-content" any day than someone who simply accepts the status quo and trots around cheerleading, "Go Team!" I find MUCH of what is going on right now with our government, THEIR war, our police state, etc. to be completely UNacceptable and I will use any platform I can to say, "I'm mad as hell -- and I'm NOT going to take it anymore!" If that makes me a mal-content, then I wear the distinction with pride.
==========
There is no reason to feel sorry for me but I feel sorry-ER for anyone who thinks it somehow UNpatriotic or wrong to question their government which knowingly sends YOUR children off to die for no good reason that will stand up to the light of truth. If you want your children and their children -- born or not born yet -- to die for honor, then by all means . . . simply drive them to your nearest recruitment center and hand 'em over. Uncle Sam will have his way with them and there's a 50/50 chance they'll actually come home alive someday -- though they may be a little screwed up in the head for a while -- like forever. If you're not so lucky, they'll come home in a box or maybe not at all -- ever. But shouldn't we all be willing to pay any price for "honor"? Surely we can keep pumpin' 'em out faster than Uncle Sam can get 'em killed, don't ya' think?
==========
I'm far from lonely; rarely ignored and -- for what it's worth -- I've had several positive comments on those two posts and yours is the only negative one so far. Does that say more about what I've written/posted or more about you? My opinions regarding the military, and my empathy with those who challenge the system in good faith and lose for no good reason, and my "negative opinion of law enforcement" are based on personal life experiences combined with similar experiences involving my family and friends. Those bastards shot and killed my grandfather's brother in the doorway of his trailer in Pasadena, CA. The LAPD cuffed my Dad (middle-aged, white and 240 lbs.) and jerked him backwards repeatedly until he passed out. Then they let him drop which cracked his head on the blacktop. (Among themselves, this little procedure is known as a "pop and drop.") One-on-one, he could've pounded either one of these creeps into salt. As a result, he spent the rest of his short life with a visceral FEAR of police. The esteemed civil servants here in good ole' small-town Boise, ID shot my good friend's unarmed 18-year-old son in the head at point-blank range and killed him instantly. (Apparently spinning your tires on Main St. carries heavier consequences these days.) (We went through a "phase" here in Boise where our mortality rate at the hands of the police was higher than LA or Chicago. The citizens got "up in arms" and threatened to fire all the bastards and -- suddenly -- and for a few years now, we've had hardly any of those so-called "righteous kills." I guess all the bad guys got the word and go someplace else now.) Yeah, I've got a few "issues" with the policia and I won't be getting over them any time soon. (Nonetheless, I give them every opportunity to be decent and a few times they've actually surprised me by being something more than nazi goons.) I was in the USAFSS for four years as a Vietnamese linguist from '71 to '75 -- I listened to the impassioned pleas of local women and children begging for a ride from their American "friends" as Saigon fell in the spring of '75 and we left 'em all standing there crying in disbelief to fend for themselves against almost certain death after YEARS of us promising them we would never do such a DIShonorable thing. So I think I'm entitled to make a few observations based on that experience. And, yes, I think it's pretty shitty when eight heavily-armed officers of the law have nothing better to do than roust out some poor soul who's been living in one place for ten years on $30 a month and harming no one. If you don't think any of that stuff is a little crummy, then I suggest we should all be feeling sorry for YOU.
==========
Nonetheless, you're just as entitled to your opinions as I'm entitled to mine and I thank you for yours -- it's not like I really think everyone is going to agree with me all the time. Where would be the fun in that?
==========
sail4free
==========
SHIRLEY: "Dear sail 4..................I have read two of your posts, one describing the stupidity of those who feel fighting for their country is an honorable thing. To say that I totally disagreed with you on that one would be a classic understatement. Now this last one which
starts out singing the rights of the hermit ends with your negative opinion of law enforcement.
I better understand your first post now. Though it is not to say you may not have good reason, you are a dyed in the wool mal-content. I am sincerely sorry for you. You must be extremely lonely. Even receiving a message of disagreement beats the heck out of being
ignored completely."
==========
If applying a label allows you to "pigeon-hole" me, then go ahead -- but I assure you I won't be staying in that crappy little box for long. I'd rather be "a dyed in the wool mal-content" any day than someone who simply accepts the status quo and trots around cheerleading, "Go Team!" I find MUCH of what is going on right now with our government, THEIR war, our police state, etc. to be completely UNacceptable and I will use any platform I can to say, "I'm mad as hell -- and I'm NOT going to take it anymore!" If that makes me a mal-content, then I wear the distinction with pride.
==========
There is no reason to feel sorry for me but I feel sorry-ER for anyone who thinks it somehow UNpatriotic or wrong to question their government which knowingly sends YOUR children off to die for no good reason that will stand up to the light of truth. If you want your children and their children -- born or not born yet -- to die for honor, then by all means . . . simply drive them to your nearest recruitment center and hand 'em over. Uncle Sam will have his way with them and there's a 50/50 chance they'll actually come home alive someday -- though they may be a little screwed up in the head for a while -- like forever. If you're not so lucky, they'll come home in a box or maybe not at all -- ever. But shouldn't we all be willing to pay any price for "honor"? Surely we can keep pumpin' 'em out faster than Uncle Sam can get 'em killed, don't ya' think?
==========
I'm far from lonely; rarely ignored and -- for what it's worth -- I've had several positive comments on those two posts and yours is the only negative one so far. Does that say more about what I've written/posted or more about you? My opinions regarding the military, and my empathy with those who challenge the system in good faith and lose for no good reason, and my "negative opinion of law enforcement" are based on personal life experiences combined with similar experiences involving my family and friends. Those bastards shot and killed my grandfather's brother in the doorway of his trailer in Pasadena, CA. The LAPD cuffed my Dad (middle-aged, white and 240 lbs.) and jerked him backwards repeatedly until he passed out. Then they let him drop which cracked his head on the blacktop. (Among themselves, this little procedure is known as a "pop and drop.") One-on-one, he could've pounded either one of these creeps into salt. As a result, he spent the rest of his short life with a visceral FEAR of police. The esteemed civil servants here in good ole' small-town Boise, ID shot my good friend's unarmed 18-year-old son in the head at point-blank range and killed him instantly. (Apparently spinning your tires on Main St. carries heavier consequences these days.) (We went through a "phase" here in Boise where our mortality rate at the hands of the police was higher than LA or Chicago. The citizens got "up in arms" and threatened to fire all the bastards and -- suddenly -- and for a few years now, we've had hardly any of those so-called "righteous kills." I guess all the bad guys got the word and go someplace else now.) Yeah, I've got a few "issues" with the policia and I won't be getting over them any time soon. (Nonetheless, I give them every opportunity to be decent and a few times they've actually surprised me by being something more than nazi goons.) I was in the USAFSS for four years as a Vietnamese linguist from '71 to '75 -- I listened to the impassioned pleas of local women and children begging for a ride from their American "friends" as Saigon fell in the spring of '75 and we left 'em all standing there crying in disbelief to fend for themselves against almost certain death after YEARS of us promising them we would never do such a DIShonorable thing. So I think I'm entitled to make a few observations based on that experience. And, yes, I think it's pretty shitty when eight heavily-armed officers of the law have nothing better to do than roust out some poor soul who's been living in one place for ten years on $30 a month and harming no one. If you don't think any of that stuff is a little crummy, then I suggest we should all be feeling sorry for YOU.
==========
Nonetheless, you're just as entitled to your opinions as I'm entitled to mine and I thank you for yours -- it's not like I really think everyone is going to agree with me all the time. Where would be the fun in that?
==========
sail4free
==========
Saturday, June 19, 2004
The Burning-Issues Trap
==========
STEVE: "Natural. There's the real issue. You gotta separate yourself from the shit you've taken on as "you" along the way. The "false self", as it's been described. Is this along the lines of what you're saying?"
==========
We have to acknowledge that 98% of what we think is US is nothing more than a huge pile of CRAP that we have accepted from our parents, our teachers, our coaches, our pastors. We have made it OURS without really questioning it or even understanding that it should ALL be questioned. How else do we explain the very high percentage of adults who practice the same faith as their parents? Eat the same food? Have the same favorite dessert? Enjoy the same sports? Drive the same brand of cars? We THINK all of that is us. But it's NOT us. It's us struggling to live a life that ALL those influential people in our lives will approve of and give us some "atta-boys" or "atta-girls" for. If we REALLY had the balls (or the ovaries . . . Tits . . . what DO girls have -- that compares to BALLS I mean?) to live the life we imagine, we couldn't bring ourselves to care what any of those people think. Not that the "input" of others has NO value, but what we think about our own lives should be at least 100 times MORE valuable. We can live our lives STILL trying to please someone who has been dead for 20 years! STILL seeking their approval -- still yearning to impress them with all that we've done. Still waiting for that "atta-boy" -- from a dead person. It's insane, Man! But how many of us do it? And how many more do it without even realizing it? And how many more realize it but are in denial about it? Their dreams for us are THEIR dreams! They weren't REAL for them and they shouldn't be REAL for us either. Dead or alive, we simply must let their dreams return to them and dream our own dreams and live them out in the real world as best we can -- whether or not they approve (and they probably won't, but who cares?)
==========
STEVE: "Haven't you found that your emotions are a kind of barometer to let you know where you are and how you're doing? Kind of a signpost saying "dead end" or "stop ahead"? Or are we talking about two different things?"
==========
Totally. My barometer is neighbor's barking dogs. When my life is in balance, I hear them and they bug me a little but I can redirect my thoughts and energy to something else. When my life is OUT of balance, I'm thinking, "There's nothing more fucking useless than some STUPID dog that sits there barking his stupid head off all day when no one is home to hear his "warnings" anyway. But it's not really the dog that is stupid, it's their owners that are STUPID! How inconsiderate of someone to own an animal whose sole purpose in this life is to annoy every neighbor within earshot of his dog?" See how that works for me? So NOW when I find myself getting upset about some stupid worthless barking dog, I catch myself and the following conversation ensues: "Okay, take a deep breath here cowboy . . . breathe . . . what's going on? Who's pissing you off and you're not doing anything about it? Find your balance -- retreat to your safe place -- let it go."
==========
Of course, what's most revealing about this to me is the dog is still barking. His behavior is unchanged. His owner isn't likely to grow a brain in this decade. ONLY my response to the stimulus has changed -- and that is sufficient to change EVERYTHING.
==========
STEVE: "Someone who's "right" must see all the "wrong" in the world. Does he simply accept it for what it is, understanding how unawakened people are, or does he set about to change it and them...or, more to the point, *through* them? Where does rebellion fit in, or does it change into something else?"
==========
To me, TRUE freedom is freedom from the need or desire to change others -- about anything. None of us has a perfect lock on what is "right" or "true." Our perceptions are so distorted by our life experience, it's impossible for us to see anything clearly. It's like peering through smoke that's all around us; always hoping it will clear up but it never does. All we can say about anything -- with any accuracy at all -- is these were my choices . . . this is what I chose . . . and these were/are my consequences. While constantly acknowledging YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary).
==========
Ultimately, I must accept that I have little or no ability to change anyone -- they do what they do for their very own and very personal reasons -- it has NOTHING to do with me. The MOST I can hope for is to have some tiny amount of influence with someone: maybe they'll hear something I said and it will plant a seed in their own thoughts; maybe they'll read something I wrote and be inspired to rethink where they are on an issue. But it's ALL up to them; it has NOTHING to do with me. And I can't afford to care whether any of this happens or not. Nothing others do is because of me.
==========
STEVE: "Many "enlightened" people have sought to spread their understanding to others, and some have been seen as rebels against the current system. I wonder to what degree rebellion and being awake go hand-in-hand. They're pretty close, I think. Up to a point?"
==========
H. Jackson Brown, Jr. said, "People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost." To me, the ultimate "rebellion" is not really caring all that much about what other people think. In other words, if others have no desire to read and learn and grow and exercise their minds with reasoned discourse and logic, how does that make me an idiot? Any time we cross over into that we-are-the-enlightened-ones-and-everybody-else-is-an-idiot mode, we are behind enemy lines and we must be extremely careful. It's a trap designed to restrain us and contain us -- that we should be forever held UNwise and UNfree. It's no different than religious faiths who are convinced they are the only ones who are going to heaven and all the other faiths are going to hell. If "they" are right, then my prayer is that they be transported to wherever their ultimate destination is . . . NOW . . . that the rest of us may suffer in peace.
==========
I love that scene in Platoon where the young man is explaining his reason for joining up: that he didn't think it was fair that only the poor kids had to fight for their country. The older and wizened black soldier observes, "What we have here is a CRUSADER! You got to be rich thinking like that."
==========
I was an early fan of Harry Browne's "How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World." At one time, I thought I must've memorized the whole book. It certainly has been a major influence for most of my adult life. One of the chapters talks about the "burning-issues trap" and Harry must've listed 20 "burning issues" of the day = abortion, unions, immigrants, discrimination, poverty, war, hunger, etc. He wrote about the futility of dedicating our lives to any of those causes thinking we could achieve significant change for ANY one of them, much less for ALL of them. For example, abortion has always been a "polar" issue and I suspect it always will be -- the two camps are never going to lay their weapons down and come to an agreement that everyone can live with (unintended pun). As a young rebel looking for my cause, I was quite disappointed. Imagine the revelation, though, when I looked again at that same list -- 25 years later -- and realized what he had written was absolutely true: there had been no significant change for ANY of those issues. If anything, things had gotten worse. Since my original reading, dumb-ass bible tampers had executed so-called abortion doctors. The so-called "pro-lifers" had waged war on the so-called "pro-choicers" and that battle continues to this day.
==========
(I did notice, though, that virtually all prominent "pro-life" speakers are so freakin' ugly that their credibility is compromised. I mean: "What are you doing up there pretending this is a relevant issue for you? Because that would mean there was some possibility -- however remote -- that you could actually become impregnated (perhaps by tripping and falling on a fertile man with genetic blindness AND an erection?) and then be faced with the moral dilemma of whether to abort or not and -- looking at you -- I'd say it's a sure bet that ain't EVER gonna' happen!" Aww, shit -- I did it again. Sorry, Kathleen.)
==========
During those 25 years, my own "strong" convictions sailed back and forth across the battle lines -- wanting first to stand united with "no money in the offering plates until my sisters are free" and later wanting to encourage a world so filled with love that no unborn child would ever be unwanted; where churches of all faiths would "practice their lofty preachin' " and embrace and encourage and support these young and often poor and often poorly educated women who had no support network and no options and no money and no place to go instead of them being kicked out by their own parents AND often shunned by their church "family" as well. So here I am -- now 30+ years later -- pretty darn sure that my "strong" convictions about abortion NEVER really had much impact . . . regardless of what side of the fence I was on at the time. The controversy rages on like the wild fire it is and will continue to do so LONG after I'm gone -- to wherever it is I'm going -- if I'm going anyplace, that is. Some place other than where those IDIOTIC 7th Day Adventists go -- I hope . . . or maybe that is what hell would be for me: searching through 142 kazillion souls for eternity -- never finding even ONE that would agree with me.
==========
sail4free
==========
"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be."
-Anna Louise Strong
==========
"Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear."
-Thomas Jefferson
==========
Try saying this one six times -- real fast:
"I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are."
-Milton Berle
==========
STEVE: "Natural. There's the real issue. You gotta separate yourself from the shit you've taken on as "you" along the way. The "false self", as it's been described. Is this along the lines of what you're saying?"
==========
We have to acknowledge that 98% of what we think is US is nothing more than a huge pile of CRAP that we have accepted from our parents, our teachers, our coaches, our pastors. We have made it OURS without really questioning it or even understanding that it should ALL be questioned. How else do we explain the very high percentage of adults who practice the same faith as their parents? Eat the same food? Have the same favorite dessert? Enjoy the same sports? Drive the same brand of cars? We THINK all of that is us. But it's NOT us. It's us struggling to live a life that ALL those influential people in our lives will approve of and give us some "atta-boys" or "atta-girls" for. If we REALLY had the balls (or the ovaries . . . Tits . . . what DO girls have -- that compares to BALLS I mean?) to live the life we imagine, we couldn't bring ourselves to care what any of those people think. Not that the "input" of others has NO value, but what we think about our own lives should be at least 100 times MORE valuable. We can live our lives STILL trying to please someone who has been dead for 20 years! STILL seeking their approval -- still yearning to impress them with all that we've done. Still waiting for that "atta-boy" -- from a dead person. It's insane, Man! But how many of us do it? And how many more do it without even realizing it? And how many more realize it but are in denial about it? Their dreams for us are THEIR dreams! They weren't REAL for them and they shouldn't be REAL for us either. Dead or alive, we simply must let their dreams return to them and dream our own dreams and live them out in the real world as best we can -- whether or not they approve (and they probably won't, but who cares?)
==========
STEVE: "Haven't you found that your emotions are a kind of barometer to let you know where you are and how you're doing? Kind of a signpost saying "dead end" or "stop ahead"? Or are we talking about two different things?"
==========
Totally. My barometer is neighbor's barking dogs. When my life is in balance, I hear them and they bug me a little but I can redirect my thoughts and energy to something else. When my life is OUT of balance, I'm thinking, "There's nothing more fucking useless than some STUPID dog that sits there barking his stupid head off all day when no one is home to hear his "warnings" anyway. But it's not really the dog that is stupid, it's their owners that are STUPID! How inconsiderate of someone to own an animal whose sole purpose in this life is to annoy every neighbor within earshot of his dog?" See how that works for me? So NOW when I find myself getting upset about some stupid worthless barking dog, I catch myself and the following conversation ensues: "Okay, take a deep breath here cowboy . . . breathe . . . what's going on? Who's pissing you off and you're not doing anything about it? Find your balance -- retreat to your safe place -- let it go."
==========
Of course, what's most revealing about this to me is the dog is still barking. His behavior is unchanged. His owner isn't likely to grow a brain in this decade. ONLY my response to the stimulus has changed -- and that is sufficient to change EVERYTHING.
==========
STEVE: "Someone who's "right" must see all the "wrong" in the world. Does he simply accept it for what it is, understanding how unawakened people are, or does he set about to change it and them...or, more to the point, *through* them? Where does rebellion fit in, or does it change into something else?"
==========
To me, TRUE freedom is freedom from the need or desire to change others -- about anything. None of us has a perfect lock on what is "right" or "true." Our perceptions are so distorted by our life experience, it's impossible for us to see anything clearly. It's like peering through smoke that's all around us; always hoping it will clear up but it never does. All we can say about anything -- with any accuracy at all -- is these were my choices . . . this is what I chose . . . and these were/are my consequences. While constantly acknowledging YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary).
==========
Ultimately, I must accept that I have little or no ability to change anyone -- they do what they do for their very own and very personal reasons -- it has NOTHING to do with me. The MOST I can hope for is to have some tiny amount of influence with someone: maybe they'll hear something I said and it will plant a seed in their own thoughts; maybe they'll read something I wrote and be inspired to rethink where they are on an issue. But it's ALL up to them; it has NOTHING to do with me. And I can't afford to care whether any of this happens or not. Nothing others do is because of me.
==========
STEVE: "Many "enlightened" people have sought to spread their understanding to others, and some have been seen as rebels against the current system. I wonder to what degree rebellion and being awake go hand-in-hand. They're pretty close, I think. Up to a point?"
==========
H. Jackson Brown, Jr. said, "People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost." To me, the ultimate "rebellion" is not really caring all that much about what other people think. In other words, if others have no desire to read and learn and grow and exercise their minds with reasoned discourse and logic, how does that make me an idiot? Any time we cross over into that we-are-the-enlightened-ones-and-everybody-else-is-an-idiot mode, we are behind enemy lines and we must be extremely careful. It's a trap designed to restrain us and contain us -- that we should be forever held UNwise and UNfree. It's no different than religious faiths who are convinced they are the only ones who are going to heaven and all the other faiths are going to hell. If "they" are right, then my prayer is that they be transported to wherever their ultimate destination is . . . NOW . . . that the rest of us may suffer in peace.
==========
I love that scene in Platoon where the young man is explaining his reason for joining up: that he didn't think it was fair that only the poor kids had to fight for their country. The older and wizened black soldier observes, "What we have here is a CRUSADER! You got to be rich thinking like that."
==========
I was an early fan of Harry Browne's "How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World." At one time, I thought I must've memorized the whole book. It certainly has been a major influence for most of my adult life. One of the chapters talks about the "burning-issues trap" and Harry must've listed 20 "burning issues" of the day = abortion, unions, immigrants, discrimination, poverty, war, hunger, etc. He wrote about the futility of dedicating our lives to any of those causes thinking we could achieve significant change for ANY one of them, much less for ALL of them. For example, abortion has always been a "polar" issue and I suspect it always will be -- the two camps are never going to lay their weapons down and come to an agreement that everyone can live with (unintended pun). As a young rebel looking for my cause, I was quite disappointed. Imagine the revelation, though, when I looked again at that same list -- 25 years later -- and realized what he had written was absolutely true: there had been no significant change for ANY of those issues. If anything, things had gotten worse. Since my original reading, dumb-ass bible tampers had executed so-called abortion doctors. The so-called "pro-lifers" had waged war on the so-called "pro-choicers" and that battle continues to this day.
==========
(I did notice, though, that virtually all prominent "pro-life" speakers are so freakin' ugly that their credibility is compromised. I mean: "What are you doing up there pretending this is a relevant issue for you? Because that would mean there was some possibility -- however remote -- that you could actually become impregnated (perhaps by tripping and falling on a fertile man with genetic blindness AND an erection?) and then be faced with the moral dilemma of whether to abort or not and -- looking at you -- I'd say it's a sure bet that ain't EVER gonna' happen!" Aww, shit -- I did it again. Sorry, Kathleen.)
==========
During those 25 years, my own "strong" convictions sailed back and forth across the battle lines -- wanting first to stand united with "no money in the offering plates until my sisters are free" and later wanting to encourage a world so filled with love that no unborn child would ever be unwanted; where churches of all faiths would "practice their lofty preachin' " and embrace and encourage and support these young and often poor and often poorly educated women who had no support network and no options and no money and no place to go instead of them being kicked out by their own parents AND often shunned by their church "family" as well. So here I am -- now 30+ years later -- pretty darn sure that my "strong" convictions about abortion NEVER really had much impact . . . regardless of what side of the fence I was on at the time. The controversy rages on like the wild fire it is and will continue to do so LONG after I'm gone -- to wherever it is I'm going -- if I'm going anyplace, that is. Some place other than where those IDIOTIC 7th Day Adventists go -- I hope . . . or maybe that is what hell would be for me: searching through 142 kazillion souls for eternity -- never finding even ONE that would agree with me.
==========
sail4free
==========
"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be."
-Anna Louise Strong
==========
"Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear."
-Thomas Jefferson
==========
Try saying this one six times -- real fast:
"I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are."
-Milton Berle
==========
An Ignoble Cause
(Prompted by Steve's comment about James Hetfield's obvious support for a few Marines -- fresh from Iraq -- who went onstage during MTV's tribute to Metallica:)
==========
It's hard not to respect someone risking their life for what they believe -- even if what they believe is a program force fed to them while they sit at attention receiving their download -- truth discernment disabled but eyes wide open. Even if they've never yet had to question what they believe or why they believe it or how they came to believe such nonsense in the first place. These young recruits don't have a friggin' clue what they've gotten themselves into. Yet to the extent we consider it unavoidable that a slice of our poor and a chunk of our youth must bleed and die to feed the government's insatiable war machine, I suppose we should at least TRY to be grateful to them for being stupid enough to waste the promise of their young lives so the rest of us can fart and burp and indulge ourselves all the more with our petty flag-sticker-on-the-bumper patriotism. Most of us never question any of it any more than these poor kids do before spilling their priceless blood in some third-world country most of 'em couldn't find on a map.
==========
Maybe they're signing up for a shot at college (like I did) or money up front for some new piece-of-shit car they've been having wet dreams about. (Never mind they won't be able to drive the stupid thing while making all those payments the whole time they're overseas but they haven't thought that far ahead.) Or -- in the case of our southern cousins -- they're signing up to get U.S. citizenship for themselves and their familia immediately instead of the usual five-year wading period (typo intended). There are those who feel compelled to serve like their Dad did -- or uncle -- or brother -- whatever -- it's all the same stupid wierd glory and honor shit. But the truth is they are ALL just like we ALL were as 17 & 18-year-old boys -- young, dumb and full of cum -- or for the girls: young, dumb and full of whatever it is that makes them do stupid shit. As if all this macho/macha bullshit is gonna' make the virgins go weak in the knees when they get back home anyway -- with their uniforms laden with parallel stripes and shiny medals and colorful ribbons. (Assuming these aren't pinned to their rotting corpse, that is.) Stoked on the hormones of youth invincible -- stronger than dirt -- with zero sense of their own mortality -- or the fragility of nerves and vessels beneath their young skin which keep their spirit clinging to life while they sleep.
==========
Steve mentioned his own boys and I flashed to "Legends of the Fall" -- an epic portrayal of a father's anguish as two of his sons insist on following in his footsteps. Ultimately, of course, he's unable to prevent them from going to the front. One son is killed and the other forever "damaged goods." The father suffers a stroke when he learns his youngest has been killed. I know it's just some stupid movie but war IS hell -- no one ever wins -- it's an inescapable loss of innocence, humanity, morality, decency, faith, and love. Strip away all those calls from the grave about honor and glory and valor and service for God and country and the rest of all of that horse shit and you're left with the reality of young dumb men killing other young dumb men for reasons they are absolutely incapable of comprehending and we ALL -- as a society; as a culture; as PARENTS -- are to blame for the level of their ignorance which permits them to feed their innocent lives into this gaping mouth of death. For what that they could possibly rationalize in their young lives? Cell phones and rap? Cruisin' main street with some spinners, a little chrome under the hood, a few beers in the belly? Trash-talkin' some little cutey into taming a wild boner? (Are YOU willing to risk death NOW for a shot at some of that later? 'Cause that's purely messed up my little brother.)
==========
It's an UNnatural act to pull the trigger and blast a hole in a beating heart. In WWII, the powers that be learned that only 15 to 20% of young men could pull the trigger with lethal intent -- and this was while they were being shot at! They might fire repeatedly in the general direction of the enemy, but only a small percentage would take steady aim with a calm focus which says, "Mother Fucker, you're going DOWN!" By Vietnam, that figure had increased to 85%. The way we protect our young sheep and then escort them to the slaughter house hasn't changed; only the methods of military indoctrination and programming -- in other words, teaching impressionable young minds how to HATE -- has changed.
==========
Their way of accomplishing this remarkable feat is simple enough -- stomp the new recruit's self-image and self-worth into the dirt. Break him down (physically and psychologically and spiritually) until he is lower than snail slime -- essentially nothing. Then rebuild him in the powerful image of his trainer -- as a mighty killer. Suddenly all his talents, all his value, all his image are centered around his ability to kill. He feels as if he owes his very existence to this goon who cloned him. Some guys (those with the lowest self-esteem to begin with -- usually because they had some stiff-necked prick, often-former-military, nazi tyrant for a Dad) take to it like a fish to water and many of them end up as our "disposable heroes." For a few years, someone will read their name out loud on Veteran's Day. Or a picture of what they once were will flash briefly on a TV screen for Memorial Day. The smarter and more confident individuals are reluctant but they're under INCREDIBLE pressure from their peers and trainers to conform to this fantasy of a soldier, a strong man -- one who knows how to kill stuff real good. One who could rip the enemy's pulsating heart out with his teeth and come up grinning from ear to ear with blood pouring off his chin. The trainer's use every resource to exploit "weakness" and reward every movement (no matter how small) towards their goal -- all the while admonishing the troops, "if you ever want to go home again -- to all that pussy, Mom and apple pie -- you better learn this shit; you better get it right." As one former soldier has shared from his marine training, they'll even have them stand in formation -- look to their left and then to their right -- and tell them that one of those guys they just looked at will be going home in a box. [What they don't tell the poor fuckers is half of them are going home in a box regardless of what they do or don't learn -- stray rounds, road mines and RPGs (Rocket Propelled Grenades) don't give a shit about who gets dead.]
==========
I was moved by an article written about the growing number of amputees who "survive" modern warfare. Thanks to flak jackets, many more soldiers survive injuries that would've surely been fatal in conflicts as recent as Vietnam. Another consequence of that enhanced protection is that due to advanced technology and voice-activated software, having all your limbs still attached to your body is not worth as much as it once was. Many of these amputees -- who have lost only one arm or "only" one leg -- are only getting 30% disability. Just a small token of how wonderfully our loving government can be expected to care for those it has knowingly placed in harm's way. It's been estimated that only HALF of veterans who are completely blind receive any benefits at all. The other half are unaware they're even eligible for benefits. I guess we can't count on Uncle Sam to track them down and tell them, can we? And now the government requires soldiers to make any claim for service-connected disability within two years of their date of separation when systems may not begin to show until many years later. It's been estimated this maneuver by the government will deny 90% of gulf-war veterans any claim to future disability. But I digress.
==========
Fresh home after their woundings, all the amputees are treated to guided tours of special places, expensive gifts and visits from famous people, photo ops with smiling war hawks and solemn actors. This all takes place at a special pre-release center for amps (amputees) prior to them returning to their home towns to become nobodies again (remember ALL their "new" self-image and self-worth revolves around their ability to kill and they're newly "retired" from the killing biz) and start cashing all those fat 30% disability checks. In the early days, all of the amps are honor-and-glory-speak: we're there (wherever "there" might be that week) for all the right reasons; doing the right thing by all these poor people; advancing freedom and democracy; blah, blah, blah. After a few drinks, one of the amps leans forward at a dinner party and whispers in the reporter's ear, "Of course we sorta' HAVE to believe that. Otherwise, this (glances down where his leg used to be) and THIS (holds up the severed stump of his right arm) was for NOTHING!"
==========
The weight and brutality of that spoken truth won't fully sink in until many months or even years later. But when that moment of truth slams the front door and comes stomping angrily towards his wheelchair, there won't be any of his "honor and glory" buds chugging champagne around some fancy dinner table to help defend him against this newest enemy. When MISERY comes knocking, he's gonna' be around for a good long while. The visits from actors and government leaders smiling for dollars will be a faint and distant memory. All that will be left forever are the disabilities: physical -- emotional -- psychological -- financial -- relational; a pounding disenchantment with the war machine who once so brilliantly disguised herself as his lover -- a dirty keyboard -- and that 30% disability check.
==========
sail4free
==========
"He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice." -Albert Einstein
==========
"What is the use of physicians like myself trying to help parents to bring up children healthy and happy, to have them killed in such numbers for a cause that is ignoble?" -Benjamin Spock
==========
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Cry Baby!
==========
(Posted to gonzobeats 6/04.)
==========
KATHLEEN: "I THANK GOD for our system (flawed as it is). I would gladly go to jail unjustly and wrongly accused if it would save one child from the abuse I suffered FOR YEARS till help finally came."
==========
FWIW, I have no tolerance for those who abuse children -- emotionally or any other way. I've been known to force cars to the side of the road until the drivers quit reaching behind the seat and pounding on some poor kid. I WILL get in someone's face at each and every opportunity to save a kid from the BS I grew up with. I wish I had a video camera to keep with me at all times to document those who abuse their children and I would be an active advocate in their prosecution. People who abuse children should be sterilized immediately as they have proven their inability to nurture and encourage. Until they make me king, though, we and our children suffer in the presence of countless inequities but our system is more than flawed. If it was broke, we could fix it. We can't fix it. It is beyond repair -- like a cancer growing out of control which contaminates everything it touches. From 1980 to 2000, our nation's population grew 20%. In that same time, our prison population grew 315%! We are putting Americans in cages 16 times faster than they are being born! That reality is absolutely NOT acceptable to me! Actual crime rates declined during most of those years and only an estimated 25% of the decline was due to our massive increase in incarceration rates. That means 75% of the decline is due to "other" reasons: like high rates of employment, less racial discrimination in the workplace, fewer trained killers returning from wars begun by stupid politicians, the decline in the crack epidemic, etc. 29% of the black men born today will spend some portion of their life in prison. (In Washington D.C., the figure is 75%.) 1 in 8 black men ages 25 through 29 is already IN prison -- as we speak. In poor black communities, there are only 64 adult men for every 100 adult women -- the rest are in prison. It is proven that children from fatherless homes have a MUCH higher rate of imprisonment, so the cycle continues generation after generation with absolutely no end in sight.
==========
By far, the largest increase in prisoners is due to drug use and possession -- which hasn't changed significantly -- only the politics and policy have changed. The lion's share of increasing rates of incarceration is due to IDIOT campaigns like "war on drugs" and "just say no" and IDIOT legislation like "three strikes and you're out" and "truth in sentencing" which requires offenders to serve 85% of their sentence absolutely no matter what with NO regard for the big picture and NO regard for the whole story. As an example, in CA a young Spanish male was convicted of burglary as a juvenile. Later -- as an adult -- he was convicted of armed robbery. His cousin was new to the states and needed a driver's license for work but couldn't read English so good. So this poor man took the written portion of the test for his cuz' and got caught. Apparently such an unacceptable threat to our personal security is a felony in CA so that was his third strike. He's currently serving 26 years to LIFE in a CA shithole. His incarceration will cost the state of CA one million dollars over the next 26 years. Does the system get any dumber than that? Do I feel sorry for CA and it's budget crisis? Hell no!
==========
Despite such lunacy in action, TX and CA (#2 and #3, respectively, in the $40 BILLION dollar per year domestic livestock industry -- the feds get top honors) have actually managed to reduce their incarceration rate slightly (due to the rising cost of their structural insanity, no doubt) while other states continue to corral free-rangers in increasing numbers. Rates of increase in federal prisons in recent years have been SIX TIMES those of the state averages. (Thank ya' Bushy -- I feel SO much safer now -- you moron.) Oklahoma (of all places) has the highest STATE rate of incarceration so you might want to travel AROUND that state. (Any bets on whether the Native American rate of imprisonment is 4 or 5 times their percentages in the general population of the state?) HOW has any of this made our country safer and free-er?
==========
Most of these drug-related incarcerations are not even criminal offenses. They are "moral" offenses -- the result of our legislators staggering up on their moral high horses and -- in all their infinite wisdom -- knowing so much more about what is good for each and every one of us than we could possibly EVER know. These friggin' hypocrites have higher rates of DUI convictions in the last year than the general population . . . higher rates of domestic abuse than the rest of the population and they're laying down the rules for the rest of us? There is something seriously WRONG with that picture! And we are to place our faith in a solution to this problem with them? Gimme' a freakin' break!
==========
Less than 50% of our prisoners are doing time for violent offenses but they ALL suffer the same indignities and loss of respect and loss of reputation (for life!) REGARDLESS of their offense. Some states have actually finally figured out that "short" prison terms do more harm than good (read: cost the state more than they ever imagined) because of "interruption" of family relationships, jobs, friends, etc. All states count cons when it will increase their political receipts and yet cons aren't allowed to vote (ever again -- even after release in some states).
==========
KATHLEEN: "We have a freer country than so many others BECAUSE so many people that dare to take away our freedom are in prison."
==========
As long as we have the highest rates of incarceration IN THE WORLD, this is NOT "land of the free" for you or me or any one of us. For every 100,000 U.S. citizens, 715 of them are in prison (that's dangerously close to 1% and we'll be there in no time at our current annual growth rates). Our nation's prison population recently went above TWO MILLION! This is not a nation of free people. This is a nation imprisoned by its own government. (Someone hit the nail on the head by recently proclaiming WE are the ones in need of liberation.) For comparison, Canada has 116 in prison (for every 100,000 of population). Most of our European nations (who we are considered to be "most alike") have numbers below 100.
==========
I refuse to tap into his "climate of fear" campaign this son of a bush and his frenzied, wrinkle-dicked, jacked-up-on-Viagra, chronies whip up in their secret circle jerks and drip out like salty pablum for the masses to lick up off their shiny shoes. Let em' go home and attempt sex with their ugly wives and enjoy a "sweet death" in the effort. Their balding craniums surely contain no more than a small ball of white puss sloshing around in clear fluid. I fear the ultimate consequences of their Satan-spawn-inspired, John-Wayne-testosterone, brain-fart-adventures FAR more than I could ever be afraid of some dumbass, suicidal "terrorist." In fact, I think we should do all we can to hasten these little tyrants into martyrdom at a very young age -- BEFORE they have a chance to breed. Let's do the human gene pool and future generations a huge favor. With our fear, we have given these flakes in power a blank check to do whatever the hell they want to do for as long as they choose to do it. And, believe me, they're taking FULL advantage of us praying our hearts out and sobbing and wringing our hands in fear of the boogie man. Because we think the boogie man is out there somewhere -- someone other than US. And we think our leaders can protect us (how is not clear) from the boogie man. But our leaders know the real boogie man is US and that prize fighter is their fearless leader.
==========
Our entire political system has been bought and sold to the highest bidder. We already have the best democracy that money can buy. Business need no longer fear government regulation because big business IS the government regulators. Their CEOs and piss-boys head up all those agencies anymore and they simply do whatever they want. Who is going to challenge their authority? Some of us city-zens here in this great ole' "land o' the free?" Unless we have more money than humans should ever be allowed, we're not even in the game anymore. This game was over before it began. We already know how this story ends. We're all like the goofy kids with bad skin, buck teeth and cheap glasses -- clinging to the fence crying after the teams have already been chosen and the muscle heads are out there slippin' on their dainty little jock suits. Yeah -- you go ahead and tell the teacher, you little pussy! Cry Baby!
==========
sail4free
==========
(Posted to gonzobeats 6/04.)
==========
KATHLEEN: "I THANK GOD for our system (flawed as it is). I would gladly go to jail unjustly and wrongly accused if it would save one child from the abuse I suffered FOR YEARS till help finally came."
==========
FWIW, I have no tolerance for those who abuse children -- emotionally or any other way. I've been known to force cars to the side of the road until the drivers quit reaching behind the seat and pounding on some poor kid. I WILL get in someone's face at each and every opportunity to save a kid from the BS I grew up with. I wish I had a video camera to keep with me at all times to document those who abuse their children and I would be an active advocate in their prosecution. People who abuse children should be sterilized immediately as they have proven their inability to nurture and encourage. Until they make me king, though, we and our children suffer in the presence of countless inequities but our system is more than flawed. If it was broke, we could fix it. We can't fix it. It is beyond repair -- like a cancer growing out of control which contaminates everything it touches. From 1980 to 2000, our nation's population grew 20%. In that same time, our prison population grew 315%! We are putting Americans in cages 16 times faster than they are being born! That reality is absolutely NOT acceptable to me! Actual crime rates declined during most of those years and only an estimated 25% of the decline was due to our massive increase in incarceration rates. That means 75% of the decline is due to "other" reasons: like high rates of employment, less racial discrimination in the workplace, fewer trained killers returning from wars begun by stupid politicians, the decline in the crack epidemic, etc. 29% of the black men born today will spend some portion of their life in prison. (In Washington D.C., the figure is 75%.) 1 in 8 black men ages 25 through 29 is already IN prison -- as we speak. In poor black communities, there are only 64 adult men for every 100 adult women -- the rest are in prison. It is proven that children from fatherless homes have a MUCH higher rate of imprisonment, so the cycle continues generation after generation with absolutely no end in sight.
==========
By far, the largest increase in prisoners is due to drug use and possession -- which hasn't changed significantly -- only the politics and policy have changed. The lion's share of increasing rates of incarceration is due to IDIOT campaigns like "war on drugs" and "just say no" and IDIOT legislation like "three strikes and you're out" and "truth in sentencing" which requires offenders to serve 85% of their sentence absolutely no matter what with NO regard for the big picture and NO regard for the whole story. As an example, in CA a young Spanish male was convicted of burglary as a juvenile. Later -- as an adult -- he was convicted of armed robbery. His cousin was new to the states and needed a driver's license for work but couldn't read English so good. So this poor man took the written portion of the test for his cuz' and got caught. Apparently such an unacceptable threat to our personal security is a felony in CA so that was his third strike. He's currently serving 26 years to LIFE in a CA shithole. His incarceration will cost the state of CA one million dollars over the next 26 years. Does the system get any dumber than that? Do I feel sorry for CA and it's budget crisis? Hell no!
==========
Despite such lunacy in action, TX and CA (#2 and #3, respectively, in the $40 BILLION dollar per year domestic livestock industry -- the feds get top honors) have actually managed to reduce their incarceration rate slightly (due to the rising cost of their structural insanity, no doubt) while other states continue to corral free-rangers in increasing numbers. Rates of increase in federal prisons in recent years have been SIX TIMES those of the state averages. (Thank ya' Bushy -- I feel SO much safer now -- you moron.) Oklahoma (of all places) has the highest STATE rate of incarceration so you might want to travel AROUND that state. (Any bets on whether the Native American rate of imprisonment is 4 or 5 times their percentages in the general population of the state?) HOW has any of this made our country safer and free-er?
==========
Most of these drug-related incarcerations are not even criminal offenses. They are "moral" offenses -- the result of our legislators staggering up on their moral high horses and -- in all their infinite wisdom -- knowing so much more about what is good for each and every one of us than we could possibly EVER know. These friggin' hypocrites have higher rates of DUI convictions in the last year than the general population . . . higher rates of domestic abuse than the rest of the population and they're laying down the rules for the rest of us? There is something seriously WRONG with that picture! And we are to place our faith in a solution to this problem with them? Gimme' a freakin' break!
==========
Less than 50% of our prisoners are doing time for violent offenses but they ALL suffer the same indignities and loss of respect and loss of reputation (for life!) REGARDLESS of their offense. Some states have actually finally figured out that "short" prison terms do more harm than good (read: cost the state more than they ever imagined) because of "interruption" of family relationships, jobs, friends, etc. All states count cons when it will increase their political receipts and yet cons aren't allowed to vote (ever again -- even after release in some states).
==========
KATHLEEN: "We have a freer country than so many others BECAUSE so many people that dare to take away our freedom are in prison."
==========
As long as we have the highest rates of incarceration IN THE WORLD, this is NOT "land of the free" for you or me or any one of us. For every 100,000 U.S. citizens, 715 of them are in prison (that's dangerously close to 1% and we'll be there in no time at our current annual growth rates). Our nation's prison population recently went above TWO MILLION! This is not a nation of free people. This is a nation imprisoned by its own government. (Someone hit the nail on the head by recently proclaiming WE are the ones in need of liberation.) For comparison, Canada has 116 in prison (for every 100,000 of population). Most of our European nations (who we are considered to be "most alike") have numbers below 100.
==========
I refuse to tap into his "climate of fear" campaign this son of a bush and his frenzied, wrinkle-dicked, jacked-up-on-Viagra, chronies whip up in their secret circle jerks and drip out like salty pablum for the masses to lick up off their shiny shoes. Let em' go home and attempt sex with their ugly wives and enjoy a "sweet death" in the effort. Their balding craniums surely contain no more than a small ball of white puss sloshing around in clear fluid. I fear the ultimate consequences of their Satan-spawn-inspired, John-Wayne-testosterone, brain-fart-adventures FAR more than I could ever be afraid of some dumbass, suicidal "terrorist." In fact, I think we should do all we can to hasten these little tyrants into martyrdom at a very young age -- BEFORE they have a chance to breed. Let's do the human gene pool and future generations a huge favor. With our fear, we have given these flakes in power a blank check to do whatever the hell they want to do for as long as they choose to do it. And, believe me, they're taking FULL advantage of us praying our hearts out and sobbing and wringing our hands in fear of the boogie man. Because we think the boogie man is out there somewhere -- someone other than US. And we think our leaders can protect us (how is not clear) from the boogie man. But our leaders know the real boogie man is US and that prize fighter is their fearless leader.
==========
Our entire political system has been bought and sold to the highest bidder. We already have the best democracy that money can buy. Business need no longer fear government regulation because big business IS the government regulators. Their CEOs and piss-boys head up all those agencies anymore and they simply do whatever they want. Who is going to challenge their authority? Some of us city-zens here in this great ole' "land o' the free?" Unless we have more money than humans should ever be allowed, we're not even in the game anymore. This game was over before it began. We already know how this story ends. We're all like the goofy kids with bad skin, buck teeth and cheap glasses -- clinging to the fence crying after the teams have already been chosen and the muscle heads are out there slippin' on their dainty little jock suits. Yeah -- you go ahead and tell the teacher, you little pussy! Cry Baby!
==========
sail4free
==========
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